I have been postponing to write about my pregnancy journey, so that 20-30 years to come, there is something that I can look back to and to remind me of the struggles that I have had while I was carrying another human being inside me.
But time beats me. Busyness beats me. I sort of ran out of motivation to write and I often felt overwhelmed by what life kept offering to me all these while that I forgot to take a step back, take a breath and be in that moment.
I forgot to be mindful.
Being mindful is something that I have yet to learn and read...
Anyhow, let's move on to the real topic here; Pregnancy.
To be honest, being a mother at such an early age hasn't really been in my plan previously. I was very career-oriented, very driven to achieve so much outside the household, I was so determined and looked forward to bringing the 'strong women' image to the eyes of the world. I was very determined to ensure the society that women have places and voices, women have power to make changes to the world, women have the ability to make it to the top and be a leader, just like how men always expected to be one.
But, life doesn't always agree with your plans, and what you wanted.
I got pregnant immediately after I got married. Like I said, being a mother, wasn't something that I am thrilled to be back then when I talked about marriage. I imagined living happily with my husband, very so much in love, always having this butterflies in my stomach and everything is just so, so beautiful...
The reality that I'm facing now, is a total opposite.
After we got married, my husband is keen to having babies. And I don't know why, the eagerness rubs onto me and so I went with the plan. And Allah is the Best Planner, He did grant us what we wanted at that moment; being pregnant.
My pregnancy journey wasn't plain and smooth without any bumps here and there. I have had episodes of spotting, being admitted into the hospital due to per vaginal bleeding, had multiple episodes of false contraction, rushed to the hospital few times for CTG reading due to that. many more. I gained a total of almost 20kgs throughout my pregnancy, and by the 40th week, I looked like a balloon.
I had the pregnancy nose, which was the star of my pregnancy haha because that is the thing that people will look at first and question.
I did have morning sickness, though it lasted only during the first trimester. I should be thankful because some mothers had it throughout the 9 months. 9 MONTHS! Can you imagine? It's just so tiring to recover from the non stop episodes of vomiting, I tell you. Once it started, you will feel like your body cannot control and stop themselves, and you will keep on vomiting until nothing comes out except for white liquid. Then your body will feel like they were about to give up on you, but you still have to drag yourself out of the toilet.
I was dehydrated once, I think it was in my first trimester. I still drove to work that morning (my workplace is +/- 1 hour away from my home) and as soon as I reached there, I could feel that all I needed was just rest that day. So I went to the clinic, waited for 2 hours for the MC, drove back home for another 1 hour, and zonked out as soon as I hit bed. I couldn't eat, couldn't drink, couldn't get up, and my mom had to feed me with biscuits with me still lied down on bed.
Went through all of this alone, without my husband. The perks of being in a long-distance relationship with my husband.
So, fast forward to the delivery date! I took a week earlier off because I felt like I needed the rest. I was so busy, so occupied with work throughout the whole journey. I was involved in an innovation competition, so during the first two trimesters were spent with me dealing with it. (Was grunting when I faced it, but now that I tried to remember again about what we have went through, it was a priceless experience) My baby girl was there through every step that I took. Through every sleepless nights completing the project, through every drive that I took here and there, through every time that I learnt new skills, she was there with me. Inside.
That's one of the things that I missed so much about being pregnant.
Okay, I felt like I have touched here and there about my pregnancy journey. Saving the part about my delivery in the next post, I suppose...
Till then,
q.z.
xoxo
But time beats me. Busyness beats me. I sort of ran out of motivation to write and I often felt overwhelmed by what life kept offering to me all these while that I forgot to take a step back, take a breath and be in that moment.
I forgot to be mindful.
Being mindful is something that I have yet to learn and read...
Anyhow, let's move on to the real topic here; Pregnancy.
To be honest, being a mother at such an early age hasn't really been in my plan previously. I was very career-oriented, very driven to achieve so much outside the household, I was so determined and looked forward to bringing the 'strong women' image to the eyes of the world. I was very determined to ensure the society that women have places and voices, women have power to make changes to the world, women have the ability to make it to the top and be a leader, just like how men always expected to be one.
But, life doesn't always agree with your plans, and what you wanted.
I got pregnant immediately after I got married. Like I said, being a mother, wasn't something that I am thrilled to be back then when I talked about marriage. I imagined living happily with my husband, very so much in love, always having this butterflies in my stomach and everything is just so, so beautiful...
The reality that I'm facing now, is a total opposite.
After we got married, my husband is keen to having babies. And I don't know why, the eagerness rubs onto me and so I went with the plan. And Allah is the Best Planner, He did grant us what we wanted at that moment; being pregnant.
My pregnancy journey wasn't plain and smooth without any bumps here and there. I have had episodes of spotting, being admitted into the hospital due to per vaginal bleeding, had multiple episodes of false contraction, rushed to the hospital few times for CTG reading due to that. many more. I gained a total of almost 20kgs throughout my pregnancy, and by the 40th week, I looked like a balloon.
I had the pregnancy nose, which was the star of my pregnancy haha because that is the thing that people will look at first and question.
I did have morning sickness, though it lasted only during the first trimester. I should be thankful because some mothers had it throughout the 9 months. 9 MONTHS! Can you imagine? It's just so tiring to recover from the non stop episodes of vomiting, I tell you. Once it started, you will feel like your body cannot control and stop themselves, and you will keep on vomiting until nothing comes out except for white liquid. Then your body will feel like they were about to give up on you, but you still have to drag yourself out of the toilet.
I was dehydrated once, I think it was in my first trimester. I still drove to work that morning (my workplace is +/- 1 hour away from my home) and as soon as I reached there, I could feel that all I needed was just rest that day. So I went to the clinic, waited for 2 hours for the MC, drove back home for another 1 hour, and zonked out as soon as I hit bed. I couldn't eat, couldn't drink, couldn't get up, and my mom had to feed me with biscuits with me still lied down on bed.
Went through all of this alone, without my husband. The perks of being in a long-distance relationship with my husband.
So, fast forward to the delivery date! I took a week earlier off because I felt like I needed the rest. I was so busy, so occupied with work throughout the whole journey. I was involved in an innovation competition, so during the first two trimesters were spent with me dealing with it. (Was grunting when I faced it, but now that I tried to remember again about what we have went through, it was a priceless experience) My baby girl was there through every step that I took. Through every sleepless nights completing the project, through every drive that I took here and there, through every time that I learnt new skills, she was there with me. Inside.
That's one of the things that I missed so much about being pregnant.
Okay, I felt like I have touched here and there about my pregnancy journey. Saving the part about my delivery in the next post, I suppose...
Till then,
q.z.
xoxo
